Fat Girls with Stuffed Animals

I'm going to keep this blog short because I'm exhausted after running around all day. I finally got to see Harry Potter, though. It was....pretty damn good--though honestly, I think the pace could have been a little slower and the movie a bit longer. It drives me nuts when they cram too much into a movie. Anyways, back to the point of this blog.

After a year of being lazy and eating whatever I damned well please, I'm trying my best to get back on track. I thought I had it back in March when I got a personal trainer. And for a while, I did lose some weight--about 15 pounds. But, I've gained it all back, and about 5 more pounds. Fantastic, right? So what caused all this? Well, maybe I'll get more into this tomorrow, but for tonight let's leave it at stress.

The point is, with the help of a brutally honest friend, I've discovered that I am in fact a fat chick with stuffed animals. This isn't to say I'm fat--well I am, let's face it--or that I have stuffed animals, which I don't. What it is saying is that I'm replacing the things I need to be happy with fillers. Lack of physical intimacy, lack of job satisfaction, lack of self-satisfaction, lack of meaningful friendships and having people to hang out with. So what do I replace these important things with? The internet. Online relationships that--except for one or two--have no real meaning to me. Time wasting games that also waste money. And FOOD. Yes, that's right...I replace valuable needs with food. This is why I'm fat. Chocolate cake tastes even better when you realize that you don't have a boyfriend or that you're broke as hell.

Well, time to break that damn cycle. It all starts with making the bed, I kid you not. But...I'll tell you more about that tomorrow.

Day 4

I think I've pretty much failed the abs goal this month. I'm going to do some squats and push ups after I blog this, but abs....yeah not so much. Why do I hate doing crunches so much? I shouldn't say failed. I need to take that bad. I didn't complete. There. Sounds much better because I am not a failure. That's my new mantra: I am not a failure. Calories are looking good, however. Go me! Why is exercising so much harder than eating right? Maybe I'm just lazy and the fact that it's my vacation and school starts next week has me being even more so. Either way, I need to step it up. Start running again, start doing weights again, start....something.

Day 3

So tired. I need to do these posts earlier in the day, but I just haven't had time today. Anyways, I think I'm going to start posting what I'm eating--perhaps to make it similar to find something to post so that I can actually meet my goal this month of posting everyday. Things are going well....not much to say. It's only day 3. Perhaps I'll go more in depth tomorrow on what happened and why I'm "restarting" this journey. That sounded kind of corny, yes.

I'll admit, I didn't do any ab work today, but I'm going to do it tomorrow when I work out to make up for it. That counts, right?

Day 2: January Goals

Well as far as goals go, I'm going to ease back into this and see if I can't pace myself a little bit. Of course that doesn't mean that I won't be strict, but I have ideas that'll have to wait until I'm readjusted.....

Nutrition Goals
No more than 2000 calories a day, but by the 31st I'd like to be back down to 1700
No candy/sweets/unnecessary sugars
No soda
8 glasses of water a day
No fast food (except subway)
Limit processed foods
Record calories everyday
Drink a glass of red wine 4 nights a week

Exercise Goals
Ab work on MWF
Leg and arm work on TuThSa
Cardio 30+ minutes three days a week

Other Goals
Finish knitting my grandmother's blanket
Clean and organize my room--and keep it clean
Go to bed by 1am every night
Give myself a mani and pedi once a week
Watch at least 7 unseen movies a week
Blog everyday
Read a book
Save $100 for trip to Portugal

Day 1

Dear Meg,

You are not a failure. You are a human being and as a human being are a work in progress. Learning from your mistakes and losing your footing are part of that progress. Why do we fall down? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again. Even if you didn't make progress after May, even if you gained 10 lbs back in November, that doesn't mean that you failed. It just means that you need to do the same thing you started doing in February until you don't have to think about doing it--until it becomes second nature and a part of who you are. That may take a year, it may take 10, but however long, it's possible. It's possible to be fit and thin and healthy even if now you're not. It takes motivation and dedication. You have both of those, so put them to use.

Now finish figuring out those goals and don't let up!

Sincerely,
Your consciousness.

Day Eighty-Three: Taking a Break

Things are really bad for me at home right now, so I'm taking a break from blogging. Going to keep up with everything else, but I just can't do it all right now.

Day Eighty: Denying Cravings

I've been so, SO hungry today. I don't know what it is. Every time I've turned around I'm denying cravings to shove food in my mouth. What's worse...all I wanted was fast food. Not even subway...but Carl's Jr., McDonalds. It's honestly like those weight watcher commercials with "hungry" constantly hanging over me. I nearly broke too. I was so ready to just cave in and go to McDonald's after work. But...I didn't. Even though I had barely eaten today, I held off to have a decent meal when I got home. Glad I waited too--because McDonald fries seriously don't compare to baked sweet potato fries. Not that I would have gotten french fries...I think.

I blame the hungry thing on waking up so late today. Didn't roll out of bed until after 10--I felt so lazy. It really screws me up to wake up any later than 9. With me staying up and sleeping in over spring break, it might take a while to get it fixed. Hopefully not too long. I don't want another day like today.

Finished W3D1 yesterday. It was a lot easier than I was afraid it would be. It didn't even bother me running that long barefoot--it's definitely getting easier. I think I'm finally building up some calluses. I probably won't be able to do the entire C25K barefoot, but I'll definitely have to wait to finish to get some vibrams. Trying to save up some money and things are getting tight right now--and I need to set aside money for my mom's birthday next month.

Unofficially, I stepped on the scale today. 258lbs. I'm under my mini-goal! Of course it won't be official until Monday, but I'm ecstatic. I haven't weighed less than 260lbs in over two and a half years. Soon, someday very soon, I'll be thin. This is the time it all works, I'm sure of it now.