Day Eighty-Three: Taking a Break

Things are really bad for me at home right now, so I'm taking a break from blogging. Going to keep up with everything else, but I just can't do it all right now.

Day Eighty: Denying Cravings

I've been so, SO hungry today. I don't know what it is. Every time I've turned around I'm denying cravings to shove food in my mouth. What's worse...all I wanted was fast food. Not even subway...but Carl's Jr., McDonalds. It's honestly like those weight watcher commercials with "hungry" constantly hanging over me. I nearly broke too. I was so ready to just cave in and go to McDonald's after work. But...I didn't. Even though I had barely eaten today, I held off to have a decent meal when I got home. Glad I waited too--because McDonald fries seriously don't compare to baked sweet potato fries. Not that I would have gotten french fries...I think.

I blame the hungry thing on waking up so late today. Didn't roll out of bed until after 10--I felt so lazy. It really screws me up to wake up any later than 9. With me staying up and sleeping in over spring break, it might take a while to get it fixed. Hopefully not too long. I don't want another day like today.

Finished W3D1 yesterday. It was a lot easier than I was afraid it would be. It didn't even bother me running that long barefoot--it's definitely getting easier. I think I'm finally building up some calluses. I probably won't be able to do the entire C25K barefoot, but I'll definitely have to wait to finish to get some vibrams. Trying to save up some money and things are getting tight right now--and I need to set aside money for my mom's birthday next month.

Unofficially, I stepped on the scale today. 258lbs. I'm under my mini-goal! Of course it won't be official until Monday, but I'm ecstatic. I haven't weighed less than 260lbs in over two and a half years. Soon, someday very soon, I'll be thin. This is the time it all works, I'm sure of it now.

Day Seventy-Eight: Weight-in 11

I'm SO close to my mini-goal. 261.2lbs. I don't know why but I was hoping I'd be able to do it this week, even though it would have been over three pounds to lose. Not too disappointed though. Last week wasn't fantastic as far as staying in my calorie range. Plus I had a few beers last week I didn't count--and that I definitely don't regret. I hardly drink. So it's been a treat.

Saturday I finished W2D3, barefoot again. The balls of my feet were blistered and my calves were killing me by the end of it, but I made it. I think when I finish the C25K, I'm going to get a pair of Vibrams. That will be my reward for finishing. Maybe if I set a reward for my core workout/crunches, I'd actually do them. I swear, I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't wait to get up in the morning and go work out, but crunches? I'd rather not, thanks. Next month I think I'll start doing pilates instead. Hopefully, that will ll be more enticing and not so boring. Still, I really should finish them this month. Someone kick my butt for me!

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and starting the next week of C25K. Though I admit, I'm nervous about being able to run for 3 minutes. I've ran for seven minutes straight before I started this, but it still feels like something to tackle. Hopefully I'm in better spirits. Today...has been horrible. Constantly fighting with my mom today has drained me. I didn't even think I'd find the motivation to go work out, but I was glad I did--it helped relieve some of the stress. Tomorrow has to be better. It just has to be.

Day Seventy-Four: Disaster

Well today officially marked TOM, and while I would have rather laid in bed finishing my book (The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova) and cuddling my heating pad, I decided around 12:30 that I should get off my arse and go down to the exercise room to work out. Besides, today I was going to try running barefoot--something I had read about, but hadn't thought of doing until Jess mentioned it on her blog. Actually, I'm looking forward to my C25K days a lot more than my regular elliptical days. Something about running is just freeing--even if I'm not going anywhere on the treadmill--, where as I can feel so trapped behind the elliptical.

So I get dressed and go down to complete W2D2. Even though I wanted to be barefoot, I decide to keep my socks on for the run. Big mistake. The rubbing of the coarse cotton was terrible. So what was it like? One, I walked slower than usual, but I found running easier. I also noticed a definite change in my posture and even the way I landed on my feet--more forward, near the ball of my foot. Best way I found to describe it was this little snippet I found on running form from Running Planet: "As a distance runner, your most efficient foot plant is one in which your foot lands directly under your hips or your center of gravity. You may land on the ball of your foot or flat footed. The ideal landing position is slightly toward the outside edge of your foot, just behind your little toe. Your foot would then naturally roll slightly inward while pushing off over your big toe. The slight inward roll of your foot is called pronation and provides some cushioning during the running stride." Sounds good to me! If I can run like this all the time, I'm even willing to put up with the initial blisters I have right now. I'm going to do the next day completely barefoot and see how I like it.

Warning this may be TMI: Aside from all the excitement of running barefoot, working out today was a disaster. I kept pausing my workout instead of changing speed; I must have done that three or four times. Why is the pause button so close to the speed buttons? Why? Really. So inefficient. And then......23 minutes into the workout, the unthinkable happens. I drop my ipod and as I'm picking it up off the ground, I suddenly have to pee...and I can't hold it. The closest bathroom is still minutes away, so I'm crossing my legs and wiggling around. It doesn't help. I start to pee my pants anyways. Quickly I rush outside, run around the building and pull my pants down, hoping no one's looking. I could have gone home then. I could have given up in shame, gone home, cleaned up and left it at that. But I didn't. I mustered what courage and pride I had left, walked back in there and finished the run. Then after I went home and cleaned up and changed, I went back down and got on the elliptical for another 15 and lifted weights. ...I am a trooper. Seriously.

On the other hand, 1426 pages read so far this month. Go me!

Day Seventy-Two: Weigh-in 10

Weight 4/12:263.4 lbs!

3.4lbs more to go before my mini-goal! I seriously didn't expect that big of a weight loss last week with me going over my calories on most days. But, I guess that big hike and the addition of the C25K program really helped! Mostly, I think it might have been the hike. I weighed myself on Friday and was sitting at 265.4lbs, so definitely was a big jump from that. Looks like I wasn't too swollen or bloated after all!

Week 2, Day 1 of the C25K was just completed this morning. This day...kicked my ass a bit. I tried the running bits at 4.7, but halfway through, I had to slow back down to 4.5. My calves were burning and I was getting to be out of breath after a minute of running--even the walking wasn't slowing my breathing down enough towards the end. So I think I'm going to have to stick with 4.5 for now. The important part isn't the speed, the important part is doing it and sticking with it! A big thanks to Anna and Jess for being my inspiration for starting this and wanting to run as badly as I do! You guys are awesome!

I have a confession to make. I hate crunches. So, I've missed a day of crunches and right now I don't feel like doing them today either. Sigh. But I will. I promise. I will get off my lazy bum and on the floor and do them.

Edit @ 12:38pm
Jess described herself as being more than a number on a scale and asked who everyone is (definitely a must read post). So I thought I'd share my response to her post on my blog..I modded it a bit too:

I’m an anthropologist who's going to get her degree in bio chem, too! I’m an amateur-baker, knitter, a writer, an avid-reader, and even though I’m no longer interested in it professionally, I’m a singer and actor. I’m also a dog lover and a nature lover–a soon to be hiker and runner. I’m a girlfriend and a daughter and a niece and friend and someday I’ll be a mother and wife. And no matter what, I know that people love me for who I am, not what I look like or what the scale says.

Day Seventy: The 6.3 Mile Hike and onto Week 2

Well I successfully finished day three of week one in the C25K program! I have to say, the last one was a bit harder. The first one took a bit of getting used to and, as I mentioned, left my legs feeling cramped. The second one was a breeze, a little tightness in my legs, but overall not bad; I think I stretched better that day. Today, however, kicked my butt for two reasons. One: I pushed myself a bit harder this time by running at 4.7 instead of 4.5 on the treadmill--I'm walking at 3.5. Two, yesterday's hike.

I have to say, if I could have picked any day to hike the Santa Rosa Plateau, it would have definitely been Saturday. Temperatures didn't top 75 degrees. There were big, puffy, white clouds in the sky--in fact when we first started out at about 9:30am, it was overcast. Sadly, this also means I didn't bring sun screen--and trust me, I'm paying for it! I don't tan; I burn because I'm sooo pale. So even though my lotion had spf in it, 25 wasn't enough to cover me for 4 hours.

The hike in itself was good. I wouldn't say it was too hard. There were definitely some points where I was out of breath. Because I took my mom, and she's in worse shape than I am (even though she is a tad bit thinner than I am), that also meant stopping frequently so she could recover--something I wasn't to ecstatic about since I walk faster and I'm an impatient walker. However, it was worth it, even if my shoulders and back ache from carrying a 10lb pack and my legs are stiff. Would I do it again? Definitely. In fact, I'm going to find a place to hike every month. Would I bring my mom again? Maybe not. I might find a better hiking partner who's evenly matched with me. Then again, I want my mom to get healthy and to get in shape too. We'll see. Next time, I'll definitely bring a camera, though. Can't believe I forgot one yesterday!

Weigh-in tomorrow...plus it's almost TOM. Hopefully I'm not too bloated tomorrow and my joints aren't as swelled. Either way I'm not too worried. Apparently 200 minutes of hiking equates to about 3200 calories burned.

Day Sixty-Seven: Day two of C25K

Well I've done day two of the C25K workout program today. I have to say it's not bad. I warm up for 5 minutes, jog/walk the program for the 20 minutes, and cool down for another 5 before heading over to the elliptical. The only complain I have is that by the 6th repeat, my calves start to ache. I stretch for a few minutes before I get on the treadmill--maybe I should be stretching more. I was going to do the third day on Saturday, but I might do it tomorrow seeing as Saturday I plan on going on a 6 mile hike. Plan on going to the Santa Rose Plateau to see the vernal pools and hike the loop. Had to con my mom into going--she didn't want me going alone--but if she sways back to her stance of not wanting to go, I think I'm going to head down there by myself.

Have been eating a bit more than usual lately. Pretty much hitting the roof of my 1800 cal limit. Which is odd considering that up until now I generally had a hard time hitting 1500. Could be due to the fact TOM is coming. Or it could be the homemade meals. Seems I'm hungrier when the food is more appetizing, go figure!

Other than that...it's spring break time! Which pretty much means that, after my psych test today all I want to do is doing some leisure reading, visit a few places, and sleep in!

Day Sixty-Four: Weigh-In 9

Weight 4/5: 266.6lbs That's 30lbs. Time for another reward! 10lbs, I bought a book, 20lbs I bought movies, 30lbs...perhaps another book. I've run out of room for movies. Don't even ask how many I have.

Sometimes, I honestly feel redundant when I mention that I've lose weight for yet another week. It's almost like I'm not having problems losing weight--which, ok, in all honesty I'm not. Still...it's almost too easy. Makes me wonder why I didn't do it before or why some of the people I know have such a hard time. Alright, I do. It's not easy. I suppose a lot of it is state of mind and overcoming the psychological aspects that have to do with why people eat. Why did I eat? Boredom. Depression. Gluttony. Greed. Looking back on it, I think those are the reasons. Now however, I can't imagine eating differently than I do. Still, I need to keep pushing and keep that drive going in the back of my head so that I don't fall off the horse. Every time I think of keeping on top of my weight loss efforts, I can't help thinking of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: "Constant vigilance"--yes I'm a huge dork.

Oh and before I forget...again...time for more goals.

April Weight Loss Goals

Reach my mini-goal: 260lbs. This shouldn't be hard considering I'm losing more than 2lbs a week. Still, I think I might be reaching a tad bit. But at the same time, that's a good thing. Constant vigilance.

Start the C25K program. I won't lie. I'm a bit daunted by this, but I want to run. I really want it. And even if I'm not in the best shape now and I still have my asthma to worry about, this looks easy enough to do.

Core/Ab workout 3x a week. Since this is the area where I have the most fat and the area that even when I weighed less, I neglected, I think it's about time I showed it some attention. I think next month I'm going to start doing pilates to work on my core, but for now, it's a regiment of crunches and some planks.

Start cooking more. This could go under my other goals, but I'm going to put it here. Mostly, I think processed, prepackaged food definitely isn't the way to go. It's convenient, of course, but so unhealthy for the most part. Sadly, I don't have a lot of time to cook between classes and working 7 days a week. I'm just going to have to make more of an effort, however.

April Non-Weight Goals

Blog three times a week. Wow. I'm a pathetic blogger. I need to start following and getting followers in return, but to do that, obviously, I need to blog more. Since MWF are my less busy day, I'll aim for those.

Start knitting again. As I'm getting happier and my depression is ebbing...I'm also getting bored. My mind is more active, and while it's not necessarily brain conditioning, it's something to keep me occupied. I like having my hands busy. Maybe I'll even hand out knitted gifts again this year!

Read 2000 pages. Random as the above goal, but...I miss reading. I just finished rereading the last four Harry Potter books (like I said, nerd), and it made me realize just how much I miss reading. So I'm going to compile some books I've been meaning to read, pull a few I never got around to off my shelf, and look for some inspiring biographies perhaps.

Go down to see a school counselor. Putting that back on the list for obvious reasons. I need to know where to go from here. Considering I'm feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed, this is a good place to start.

For now I think that's it. I have more things I want to do, but I'm pacing myself. I'll finish those and then see if I can work on some more. Until Wednesday *crosses fingers*

Day Sixty: I'm proud of myself

Well it's another month. That's two down! And if I say so myself, I've done pretty damn good. Before I break into my goals for this month...time to see if I did what I set out to do last month.

March weight-related goals:
Exercise! 600+ minutes of cardio this month and 90+ minutes of weights. Check! Totaled in at 857 minutes cardio and 260 minutes weights/core.

Continue to eat well. Definitely have managed this!

Lose 6lbs this month. Lost more than 6lbs--actually I've lost twice as much. 12.8lbs!

March non-weight-related goals:
Go see a school counselor about transferring back to a 4-year university.....didn't do that. I really do need to, but I suppose it's not something I need to do until the end of the semester and it also requires getting my transcripts--which isn't wholly possible right now.

Pay my car registration and set some money aside. Managed both! Set money aside for a hair cut I got yesterday/today (I had to go back to get it fixed....)

Contact the study abroad director about Morocco. Completely ridiculous, but I honestly didn't do this. Which is sad. It's a simple email. *vows to do this the second she finishes writing this blog*

Keep my room clean. Managed to succeed at this as well! Desk has been a bit cluttered at times, but what could I expect, it happens.

Start outlining and doing character development for my novel. I've taken the plot back to scratch? Eh, it was worth a try, but a lame excuse.

Keep affirming myself that I am indeed awesome. Psh, like I need reminding. I'm so awesome, it's a reflex.

A good month's progress I should say. Sure I didn't do a few things, but I'm not going to punish myself for it. I'm working on just striving to be better, not making excuses, and worse of all, getting down on myself for not following through. The only way I'll ever have follow through is if I learn to let it go.

However, I think my drive to do what I need to do is improving. Today for example, I was having a rough day. Yesterday I had gotten half my hair chopped off...literally. Six inches yesterday. Well...the layers in the back were very choppy and uneven, but I couldn't tell with how she styled it. So I went home and inevitably, my hair fell...and I could see. Disaster. It was totally wrong. The sides didn't match up, the layers were hideous and she didn't even angle it enough with the front. So I cried and fretted before my mom made me go back this morning and get it fixed. Luckily I got the manager doing my hair this time and it looks so much better. Took four more inches of the back so it was the angular bob I asked for and then blended in the layers she couldn't get rid of. Long story short...this on top of an enormous fight with a certain guy I should have given up on long ago made me want to lie in bed and not go to class. Yet, I went. Kicking and screaming and even wanting to get up in the middle of bother classes I went. Go me!

And now, I'm exhausted. Will definitely post April goals tomorrow when I have more time!